It was really weird the first time my eldest brother became a father. He was genetically predisposed to be a father and husband since birth, but still it was weird. My brother was........a Dad!
It was even weirder to go home to New Zealand in January and see my best friend as a mother. The last I had seen her was in July, pregnant and three weeks away from delivery. Not only that but she was unable to go drinking with me! For those of you who know Mari and I, that is like losing a limb. But to see her as a glowing, happy mother was yet another stage in our friendship. In one way it was strange as we have always shared all the major milestones in our lives - getting married, moving abroad, break ups, sharing our first flat together. Yet this was one experience that I couldn't truly share with her as they say no one really knows what it is like until they have a child themselves.
It seems like everyone we know is having babies these days. It probably has something to do with the fact that we are all hitting our early to mid thirties - the desire to stay trendy, youthful and cool seems to give way to mortgages, decorating the nursery and having dinner parties instead of cocktail parties. It feels like a magnet of sorts - even my husband and I have begun to discuss the subject of having children. Yikes! And that's after it took him four years to pop the question!
I mean, of course we had talked about it. How do you get married without ensuring you are on the same page when it comes to ideals of marriage, parenthood and whether light sabres are appropriate items of decor in your home? My husband and I thought that maybe, one day, in the future, at some stage in our lives, we might consider having children. We both met working overseas - single, great incomes and whirling social lives. It wasn't exactly something we wanted to give up. Perhaps we would end up as a really strange childless couple, living in some musty house with our motley collection of Asian artefacts and travel tales, light sabre and Star Wars figurines.
In December 2004, we made one of our biggest decisions as newly weds. We decided to get a puppy. Since we were both so shit scared of the idea of having to be responsible parents to a real live human, we figured we could have a 'trial' as responsible caregivers to a four legged baby instead. My husband had grown up with dogs in the household. I had had sheep, mice, cats, rabbits but never a dog. I waited 30 years for this puppy and I was determined that it would be fabulous!
On Christmas Eve 2004, we bought home a tiny black Labrador Retriever puppy. She was christened Gucci and spent most of her time sleeping in a dog crate 50 times too big for her. Buying a dog crate for a puppy is like buying a size 8 sweater for your new born baby.
Like many new parents, we had read all the books before we bought her home. Crate training versus paper training, vaccinations, commands training, healthy behaviour, toys you need, the list went on. As we opened our wallets to prepare for the new addition to our household, we thought we were maybe getting in over our heads. She was so tiny it was hard to believe we were now going to be responsible for this creature. The food bowls we had bought her for Christmas were so big that we had to resort to lids of plastic containers. What did we know about raising a puppy?
I don't think I will ever forget the two-hourly wake up calls required for "successful" crate training. It felt like we had just drifted off to sleep until a wee bark from the corner of the room would seep into your consciousness. Cradling her in my arms as I trudged down the stairs at 2:36 a.m. was the down side. Standing outside on the lawn giving her the command "Hurry up" was also a bit of a low point.........especially during monsoon season. Back inside for the same routine to repeat itself in another couple of hours. But was it worth it? Every minute of it.
Now, two years on, we own the most beautifully behaved dog. She sits for her food, she never soils in the house and is the greatest listener when you have had a bad day. Her soulful brown eyes, her loveable demeanour and the fact that she is ALWAYS happy to see you (even if you just went upstairs to get something) and I think this is about as good as parenthood gets.
So, will it be the same with a baby? The first six months of no sleep and being tired and being consistent coupled with the moments of peaceful slumber and smiles and the smell of baby powder. I guess so. I mean, I haven't had a baby so I don't really know. After talking to friends, becoming a parent really does sound like hard work. But it also sounds amazing.
I don't know if my husband and I are ready to be parents to a real live human being. But we'll never know unless we try.....and that's where we are at the moment. Ready to take the plunge but absolutely terrified of the challenges we are going to face. I guess it will be just like that first night when Gucci came home - it was so scary but also really cool all at the same time.
Over a glass of wine the other night, I suggested to my husband that maybe we just get more dogs. He just looked at me like I was telling a really bad joke. It appears that we have reached the fork in the road - sleepless nights and child proof locks or dog hair and Luke Skywalker lifesizers?
Get out your light sabres.........the battle of dogs versus babies has begun.
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6 comments:
Go for the babies! hehehe...you my dear friend, will be a perfect mum!
Kisses & giggles from Lua, Bailee & Phoenix
First off on craf, this line rules:
whether light sabres are appropriate items of decor in your home?
as for the babies, everyone says how amazing it is and how it will change your life forever and blah, blah, blah. You know what its like to raise kids, you are a teacher. The difference is that suddenly a piece of you is developing in a beaitiful little package. Her vulnerability makes you realize your strengths. Everyday you learn lessons in patenice, tenderness, and dare I say Joy.
Anyway...you will know when yo uare ready and when you are, you will never understadn how you lived without children.
Sleepless nights and childproof locks please!!!!
I promise to be close by if needed!!
Lightsabers, R2D2 phones, Darth vader masks and Lego X-Wing fighters are key to the successful development of well rounded and balanced children. In fact it has been found that the force is "with" children who have been raised with such influences.
Studies suggest that this can be further enchanced by including healthy activities such as mountain biking, DVD watching and of course the well receorded "unread book collection"
However, as notable experts have already pointed out, in order to have children, one must first engage in the healthy practice of practicing.
In fact recent studies have suggested that this may be more pleasurable than collecting Star Wars paraphenalia. Although experts are divided if mountain biking is in fact more satisfying....
There are well recorded accounts that people living in the vicinity of Whistler Mountain Bike park have foregone all other distractions, other than Mountain Biking.
This is probably good news for visiting sex tourists who do not Mountain Bike, but not so good for the Canadian birth rate.
Dont think about it 2 future grandmothers are waiting get on with it now. If you have a husband who promised to make room for your shoes in his wardrobe as part of his wedding vows.He can make it as a super dad, Fantastic Mum goes without saying. From the depths of Norfolk UK
You will both make wonderful parents, as the trial run with Gucci has prepared you.
But remember once you have crossed over to "the dark side" there is NO turning back, Luke Skywalker has shown us that.
So hurry up grab that light sabre and get on with it. (oops was I being rude)
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